Technical Tuesday – Toaster!

…yes, Toaster! A Technical Tuesday request from a loyal mr. milf follower…so I reluctantly oblige and tackle the “Wanna’ be Appliance”, in an attempt to appease my tiny reader base.

Well, in reviewing the Toaster, I found myself asking more questions than I have answers.

Is it really an appliance? Do people still use it? Why is it designed to take up more counter space than the coffee machine and knife block combined? Why have there not been any ground breaking technological advances in the process of toasting bread?

I can’t believe there has never been a Seinfeld episode dealing with toasters and their seemingly insignificant kitchen existence. Or a Pixar movie…I can imagine the other appliances ridiculing and bullying the little guy around when no one is watching. Ok, so what do we know about the Toaster…

It does one single task…it browns bread, pop tarts, and waffles to our specifications based on the turn of a dial or the movement of a toggle. That’s it folks- that is all it can do!

There is occasional maintenance involved, which requires the user to remove the accumulated bread crumb’s within the “appliance”. This feat is accomplished by emptying the “toaster fixins’ tray” or the other preferred method, of turning the sudo-appliance upside down and shaking it violently. [Note: Toasters are to blame for Shaken Baby Syndrome. It has desensitized us over the years and manifested itself into a natural behavior…the cross over to infants and toddlers was automatic and inevitable.]

Anyway, we also know that you can get the living shit shocked out of you by an old toaster. It is not a myth – its confirmed by me, and you guessed it…not once, not twice, but on three different occasions have I inadvertently confirmed this myth.

The last thing that comes to mind about toasters, is what NOT to stick inside of them. I will rely on my childhood experiments to give you and example of what might seem logical but failed to be a successful match for the toaster. Pre cut Jimmy Dean Pork patties…I know, seems like a perfectly good fit, but nope – not a winner! I believe that attempting to remove the partially thawed patty from the inside of the toaster with a butter knife, led to one of my shocking revelations about the dangers of toasters.

THAT’S IT, that’s all I GOT on toasters…I apologize on my lack of information in regards to this small appliance! I do not use ours very often. Its big, its shiny, and it’s a waste of space in my eyes. But my wife seems to use it quite a bit, so I live with it! Maybe I will dedicate some time to developing a smaller/ better toaster, but until then I wish you technical harmony, and tune in next week!