Monday – Not so Terrible Two’s

…I have heard about the terrible Two’s, and how our little loving innocent babies can turn into menacing temper tantrum throwing creatures. I am not naïve enough to dismiss millions of other peoples’ first hand accounts, so I have been bracing myself for that DAY when my life becomes more challenging. IT came upon me about 2 weeks ago…

…Now, its only been 2 weeks – and I AM sure I will see different angles to this behavior, But what if I told you that our toddlers unruly behavior is our FAULT?

Piper is 496 days old, and everyday brings about a new adventure of learning and mental growth. In the last month piper has not only leveled up in motor skills, but also in her mental capacity, and extreme hunger for knowledge and understanding. She is at a crucial stage where she is learning to putt pieces of the puzzle together, and attempting to understand how things are connected on deeper levels. In doing so, she needs help…and she relies on us to be there for her. WOW, it took me a minute to realize the magnitude of this.

This is their first major experience of reaching out and asking for help…this time is crucial, and possibly one of the most important building blocks that help shape a vital part of their character and confidence, and of course the cornerstone in your relationship. Be there for them, support them, and they will blossom. Fail them, and it can stunt their growth! - or worse yet…help shape their character to be one that is unsure of themselves, untrusting of others, incapable of finding the quiet that allows us to be happy as we get older.


The tantrums are a direct reflection of our inability as parents to provide our children with the understanding and support they require. The little ones get frustrated because they are not getting the answers or results they are seeking for. Piper would walk around calling every piece of fruit “Apple?!”…not because she could not tell the difference, but because she had no clue what to call the other delicious items in the fruit basket.

It is my job to educate her…practice with her. Piper would get frustrated at not being able to do something, although she knew that it was well with in her ability to do it…it is my job to assist her, and show her how to do things, let her fail with confidence, and let her experience the joy in success.

It is my job to teach her not to quit after failing to do a summer sault the first 50 attempts, as it is my job to reward her with a 2 minute long standing ovation after stubbornly finding success at something that once seemed impossible.

There are going to be many stages in Pipers’ life that will be trying, but I believe that none of them will be terrible, and the time we invest now, will make each future stage a little easier. There are hundreds of thousands of puzzle pieces with endless combinations, that need to be carefully arranged to reveal the final image and complete the journey. We are starting at the edges and only time, love, and commitment will tell if we on the right path. I think we are, and I will be coming back to this subject over the life of this blog. Any comments, stories, ideas, and ideals are welcome…this forum is open to all comments…I only ask that a level of respect be maintained… each parent has to follow their own path and it is not our place to judge or invalidate actions of others…godspeed Mr. Milfians!

“Weekends, an Alien World”

…Every Friday around 5 o’clock, the entire realm of the Jackson household changes…things that are normal and functioning predictably through out the week, become an alien landscape…to ME…

Early on in staying home with Piper I realized that the easiest way and most effective way to cruise through the day, was to create a schedule and a set of rules that both of us would follow. Needless to say it took several weeks of stumbling through the day to come up with something that worked. As Piper has gotten older and passes toddler mile markers, the schedule and rules have evolved with our needs. Not everything is planned, but the major Items like when she gets snacks, eats lunches, and takes naps are not deviated from very often. Structure is one of the most important gifts you can instill in your children, and needs to take root early on in their little lives.

Structure requires parents to be: firm, fair, and consistent in disciplining their children; setting high expectations and creating an environment for their kids to fail and succeed in; encouraging them to work hard and that quitting is not an option; and of course to teach them to operate with in then confines of the rules.

I would like to believe that I am pretty consistent in my disciplining effort, and that my methods of achieving this have been successful up to this point – only time will tell. I always try to take the time to understand why Piper is doing something, or explain to her best I can why she is not supposed to do certain things.

When she was younger I distracted her a lot, because she did not understand the concept of “NO”…these days I stand my ground and expect her to fall in line with what I tell her. No means no the first time, and even though Piper will get upset when she does not get her way, it only last a couple of seconds, because she knows that I won’t bend – so she goes on her merry way and finds something else to get into.

Piper and I coexist pretty well together, and although everyday brings something new and challenging, we have a solid foundation that lets us get through it all with a smile.

…enter into the equation The Weekend…oh boy! On Fridays Pipers Omi comes and watches her for part of the day. Who knows what goes on when I am not around – I am sure its no good. [to all in the know I mention code word KRACKA] My mother must have used up all her discipline on me, because she seems to let Piper do what she wants. I have adopted the Vegas slogan…what happens with Grandma’s stays with Grandma’s…ignorance is bliss, besides - it’s a fight I could not win if I tried.

Friday evenings Mrs. Milf gets home, followed closely by her sister Kim – or as Piper refers to her in a loving way “GAA”. The landscape has already changed for me, because I now have 3 grown women in the house, and a toddler who is excited and abandoning all rules established and reinforced through out the week. There is lots of laughter and fun between the girl’s, and as everyone is feeling good vibes, toys are being left lying all over, along with the trail of Mrs. Milf’s daily work attire. The house that was not perfectly clean, but picked up, is now littered with the meteor shower of miscellaneous random items…and soon the excited fun loving toddler gets worn out and fussy. At this point in time I am already on my 4th beer, so I like to casually lean back on the kitchen counter and let the Weekend Alien Invasion begin.

By my 6th beer the invasion is complete and the aliens have taken over the bodies of my loved ones. My daughter is whiny, allowed to climb on tables, tossing food projectiles from her high chair, attaching herself to her mommies leg like an alien parasite, and many other things that don’t happen through out the week (or are at least immediately checked and contained through out the week). – IT IS NOT AS BAD AS I MAKE IT SEEM, but when you are used to something functioning a specific way, any little pothole in the road seems like a major crater…

The lack of routine and schedule also throws Piper off. Eating her lunches and snacks at different times, or eating little snacks all through out the day totally messes with her. Not having her naps when she is supposed to, or not getting them at all is another one of those major items that impairs her ability to function at her best. No one else really realizes this, because they don’t have the opportunity to stay home with her and experience the contrast in behaviors.
I spend all day with her – not on the couch watching Television, but interacting with her…reading, playing, teaching, communicating with her…so, it makes it very easy for me to see the smallest of changes.

The weekend continues and more family stops by to visit, play, and go out to eat. Of course no one wants to be the bad guy, so small things that could be corrected (e.g. whining and wanting to be carried around), don’t get checked. I totally understand this!!! But in a way it does not make sense to me…I’d rather stand my ground and let the little one be upset with me for a couple of minutes – she is not going to love me any less, and if she chooses grandma or omi over me, I know that it is because she knows she can get her way with them….lol

What makes me a little upset at times is that Trisha seems to get the Shitty End of the stick out of this entire deal. She has to flow with what ever goes on through out the week and over the weekend. On the average day Trisha only gets about 3 hours with Piper at night, and that is broke up by dinner, Me talking her ear off, and winding down for the night. On weekends she has to deal with a possibly unbalanced toddler due to a change in the regular routine, family visiting, and the other possible variables that are bound to creep up. And lets not forget that I can get bitchy at times and “uncontrollably” release a snide remark or two…sorry! You are a trooper, and I don’t know how you are able to put up with me at times.

Anyway, as you can see…the weekends can seem pretty alien, and Mondays are always a bit of a challenge due to having to readjust to our routine.

It is what it is, and I would not have it any other way. I love my entire extended family and appreciate every single thing they do and role they play in our lives. Without them, our lives would be incomplete and fractured, and the break in schedule is a breath of fresh air - the change in gears a necessity to keep growing. To all of you Aliens I say thank you for giving me excitement and a reason to drink lots of beer on the weekends…see you on Friday.



German Pan Fried Potato recipe (well…I actually created this one)
Ingredients
- Any type of potato you have lying around the house Qty: enough for 2 -3 layers, depending on how much you eat
- 4 Tbls Butter
- 8-10 slices of Bacon (cut in 1” pieces)
- 1 Onion
- Salt to flavor
- Cracked Black Pepper to flavor

Use large non-stick pan, heat to medium and toss in bacon. Cook bacon to desired texture and remove from pan. While bacon is cooking peel, rinse, and slice potatoes into 1/8 thick slices (the width of an ipod nano). Add 2 Tbls of butter to bacon grease and melt. Layer potato slices into pan, overlapping just a little, until bottom of pan is covered, season with pepper and salt, add sliced onions and bacon. Cube the remaining butter and add dollops as needed/ wanted. Add second layer of potatoes, and season to taste. Cook on medium uncovered for a couple (2-3) minutes and then turn down heat and cover. Cook for 10 additional minutes and then flip potatoes…be careful…cover and cook for additional 10 minutes. Take off lid and let sit on low until you are ready to eat.
Note: everyone’s stove is different, and my medium is not the same as your medium. It is important to calibrate your stove and oven, so that you know what temp your low, medium, and high are actually cooking at. Following recipes is easier when knowing the cooking temps of your stove…

Thursday - Ramdom FB Status Updates

Jill Walter status read:

In West Virginia yesterday, a man was arrested for stealing several blow-up dolls. Reportedly, police didn't have any trouble catching the man because he was completely out of breath.

Wednesday – Mr. Milfs’ top 3 Affordable Vehicles

These are “MY” top 3 picks of affordable vehicles that belong in your garage. They all come in under the 50K mark, which sneaks them into the affordable range, and if you are like me, you will track one of these epic vehicles down “used”, for a fraction of the list price. Needless to say, I don’t believe in buying a brand spankin’ new vehicle – Whats the point!?!…give me something that is a year or two old and broke in.

Coming in at #3

OK, I really don’t have a number Three, so lets jump to number 2 on my list

2009 Jeep Wrangler Unlimited Rubicon w/factory 3” lift kit.

Did you utter the word options? Well the options for CJ’s, YJ’s, and TJ’s are limitless! Racks, winches, lift kits, snorkels, lights, mirrors, tops, bars, rails, bumpers, etc…etc…the list goes on for days.

The Wrangler has proven to be trail worthy right out of the box. No frills, but tons of thrills when taking one of these classics out onto the trail.

Reliability is key, and the wrangler delivers it in spades. The 4 wheel drivetrain has been tested, tried and survived – the designers of the Wrangler have stayed true to the K.I.S.S. design concept which translates into a vehicle that not only performs well, but is easily maintained on the trail with minimal tools and skill set. A basic set of tools, cable ties, and duct tape will repair just about anything that can go wrong with this beast (lol). This baby sports a 3.8 liter V6 SMPI Engine with a 6 speed manual transmission that generates plenty of power to get you where you need to go. The Unlimited is perfect for the 30 something family who do not want give up driving a Wrangler, but still want to keep their little ones safe. There is plenty of room in this box on wheels, and with the full roof rack installed, cargo space becomes a non-issue. I do wish that at some point they would slap a V8 in this tub to improve the towing capacity, but I don’t see that happening. Plan on dishing out $ 38.000,00 for a Rubicon Unlimited as shown below. Happy trails!

Sliding into the number one spot is the

2010 E-Series 350 XLT VAN- Extended with a Quigley 4x4 conversion and custom after market accessories.

I absolutely love this Vehicle! The 6.8 L Triton V10 is a monster, and a perfect partner in crime for this 4 Wheel Drive Adventure machine. Quigley has been doing 4X4 conversions on Vans for over 30 years and is the best in the business. This Vehicle is perfect for the adventurous family with lots of kids and tons of gear. Don’t fool yourselves though – this is not a rock crawler, or something to take out and play around with on dicey trails! This is a hopped up transporter designed to haul ALL of your shit from point A to B. The features and options are too many to list…you can get this vehicle tricked out any which way you want. The one shown below comes in right under the $50.000,00 mark, but will pay for itself over time. Plan on keeping a specialty vehicle like this for at least 15 years, since you probably won’t be using it as your daily transport. I will be getting one of these once we have 6 or 7 kids!

I hope you somewhat enjoyed today’s segment, and I’ll see you next week! Bottoms up - dick heads!

Technical Tuesday - …in the pursuit of the perfect cup of Joe

As I am writing this, I can hear that all too familiar sound, of the coffee maker spitting and gurgling thru’ its brewing cycle. It is music to my ears…it is my good morning anthem. Not only can I smell the aroma of the freshly brewed German roast, I can practically see the rich trail creeping from the coffee maker, snaking its way thru’ the house… it is laced with nostalgia, loving memories of people past, and a quiet promise that today will be a great day. Wow, do I ever love coffee – and equally, a well engineered and designed machine – which leads us to today’s small appliance.

The Coffee Maker

They come in all sorts of shapes, colors, and sizes. Some makers drip, while others percolate – some press, and some older ones are even vacuum based. All designed and constantly evolving to produce that perfect cup of Joe.

Trisha and I have been together 8 years, and we still have not found “THAT” coffee maker which we are willing to commit to for the rest of our lives. Finding the right one has been a struggle, especially when you and your wife have differing views on what constitutes the perfect machine.

My requirements are simple. The technology needs to be able to draw out the desirable flavor of the roast, the temperature needs to be perfect, and it has to work every time! Other than that I could careless. Trisha on the other hand likes to toss in a couple more requirements. It has to be visually stunning, stainless steel carafe is a must, easy to clean, etc.. Adding all of those features on top of my basic requirements makes it virtually impossible to find such a machine. I am not sure that it even exists yet. So in the mean time, we are using a hand-me-down electric drip from mom. It is very consistent, but does not produce the best cup of Joe.

We also have a used 40 year old Corningware electric percolator – pretty good cup of coffee, but a pain in the ass to use, and the coffee temperature is way too hot. Boxed up and taking up valuable pantry space is a brand new Kitchen Aid that we used a couple of times (4years ago) until the carafe broke – we have been unsuccessful in finding a replacement carafe. It is time to take that POS out into the country and “Office Space” that effen’ thing…ahhhhh, it feels good to be a gangsta’.

There is hope though’ people! I think I found the holy grail of coffee makers…I present to you The Melitta Stage – the only coffee maker to ever win the coveted Red Dot award! The beauty of this machine is that it meets all of our requirements. Excitement does not even begin to express my current emotional state…Eight long years, and the search is finally over! Or is it… there is a snag of course…GRRRRR…It is not sold in the USA. WTF? It is only sold in Germany and I have made arrangements to get one shipped over. I will keep you updated on the progress, and eventually write a detailed review.

The coffee maker is obviously not just a “small appliance”, it is part of the family. And although it is small in stature, it is the heavy weight champ of all appliances. I wish you success in the quest for your perfect machine…until next week! I wish you technical harmony and coffee bliss.

Sharing The Responsibility

Last week I was at a website dedicated to stay at home fathers and stay at home mothers. I have been browsing these sites, reading blogs, and even on occasion engaged in conversations via their Instant Messenger. I noticed a disturbing trend while reading the stay at home mom blogs – a lot of them felt taken for granted by their significant other. There was also a level of frustration and exhaustion on the part of the moms. There were plenty of blogs that described similar scenarios, where the mom did everything in the household. From getting up early, and getting laundry started, feeding the kids, and getting everyone ready for the day, watching the kid/s thru’ out the day, shopping, lunch, dinner, cleaning, you name it…they did it all day, everyday. Just reading it was exhausting me. I felt sorry for them – its too much to do for one person! Enter the feeling of “being taken for granted” on top of that. Phew!

The stay at home dad blogs are nothing like that…sure the dads talk about things that frustrate them at times, but most of the time it’s about the enjoyment they get out of being able to spend time with the kids, the funny things that happen to them, and how they appreciate their wives. Wow, so what is the difference? Why do the dads seem to be happier? Is it because they can manage the household and the stress that comes along with it, better than the mothers? OR are they just too proud/ stubborn to admit they are frustrated and exhausted?

Well, I think it isn’t any of the above. its simple tho’ – us dads get a lot of help in sharing the responsibilities of maintaining the house and family. We don’t do everything the stay at home moms are tasked with. Our wives come home from working all day and still share in the cooking, cleaning, laundry, and raising of the kids –as they should. They will never take us for granted, because they know how much work maintaining and managing everything can be.

The moms on the other hand are stuck with their husbands coming home and not contributing. The husbands have no idea how much time and effort it takes to get the most basic tasks done around the house. There has to be a balance. Husbands need to pick up the slack, cook dinner a couple times a week, do the dishes, clean the bathrooms, do SOMETHING.

The worst kind of husbands are the ones who have some insignificant (well paying) job but don’t really even work thru’ out the day. Then they come home and bitch about how tired they are from work…Really? They also have no MAN skills and can’t even put an anchor in the wall to fix the towel rack, or install a new light fixture that has not been working in years. Cutting grass is the extent of their ability, and that is pushing it. When I see guys like this, I shake my head and feel sorry for the wife and kids. Dynamics like these are stifling and cripple the growth of the family.

So, to all you moms out there that are frustrated and feel taken for granted – Put your man in check! Most men just need to be told that they need to pick up the slack, and they will. If you are stuck with a worthless husband, then sorry about your luck! You do have options! To all you stay at home dads – thank your wives and continue appreciating them. I am thankful everyday…

Technical Tuesday – Toaster!

…yes, Toaster! A Technical Tuesday request from a loyal mr. milf follower…so I reluctantly oblige and tackle the “Wanna’ be Appliance”, in an attempt to appease my tiny reader base.

Well, in reviewing the Toaster, I found myself asking more questions than I have answers.

Is it really an appliance? Do people still use it? Why is it designed to take up more counter space than the coffee machine and knife block combined? Why have there not been any ground breaking technological advances in the process of toasting bread?

I can’t believe there has never been a Seinfeld episode dealing with toasters and their seemingly insignificant kitchen existence. Or a Pixar movie…I can imagine the other appliances ridiculing and bullying the little guy around when no one is watching. Ok, so what do we know about the Toaster…

It does one single task…it browns bread, pop tarts, and waffles to our specifications based on the turn of a dial or the movement of a toggle. That’s it folks- that is all it can do!

There is occasional maintenance involved, which requires the user to remove the accumulated bread crumb’s within the “appliance”. This feat is accomplished by emptying the “toaster fixins’ tray” or the other preferred method, of turning the sudo-appliance upside down and shaking it violently. [Note: Toasters are to blame for Shaken Baby Syndrome. It has desensitized us over the years and manifested itself into a natural behavior…the cross over to infants and toddlers was automatic and inevitable.]

Anyway, we also know that you can get the living shit shocked out of you by an old toaster. It is not a myth – its confirmed by me, and you guessed it…not once, not twice, but on three different occasions have I inadvertently confirmed this myth.

The last thing that comes to mind about toasters, is what NOT to stick inside of them. I will rely on my childhood experiments to give you and example of what might seem logical but failed to be a successful match for the toaster. Pre cut Jimmy Dean Pork patties…I know, seems like a perfectly good fit, but nope – not a winner! I believe that attempting to remove the partially thawed patty from the inside of the toaster with a butter knife, led to one of my shocking revelations about the dangers of toasters.

THAT’S IT, that’s all I GOT on toasters…I apologize on my lack of information in regards to this small appliance! I do not use ours very often. Its big, its shiny, and it’s a waste of space in my eyes. But my wife seems to use it quite a bit, so I live with it! Maybe I will dedicate some time to developing a smaller/ better toaster, but until then I wish you technical harmony, and tune in next week!

Socializing your Toddler – At what cost?

Since I stay home with piper, and the only socialization she gets with the rest of the world is family and the occasional other toddler up the street, I have been looking into play dates. There are groups of stay at home dads (SHAD’S) out there that meet once a week and have play dates. Play dates are held at a group members house and this is on a rotating basis. These SHAD Groups also organize DNO (Dads Night Out) and plan other various outings. At first glance I thought WOW…this is cool! Not only would Piper be able to socialize with other little kids, but I would also be able get to meet some new people and hang out. Sounds like a Win-Win situation.

But after taking some time to think about it, I don’t think this Daddy Play Group Thing is for Piper and I. Anybody who knows me probably already knows why it would not be a good fit! Think about it…Almost every Stay at Home Dad I have met, is a total Dipshit! Most of the new dads with kids Pipers age are the laid off super geeks or middle management douche’ bags with no social skills. They are the dads that insisted on taking Lamaze class, and bought hundreds of books on how to raise kids…they subscribe to all sorts of parenting magazines and treat their kids like breakable little porcelain dolls. They talk down to their kids in that stupid little baby voice and think it’s cute. I can spot them a mile away…wearing their designer jeans, dress shoes, pink polo button up shirt, Eddie Bauer glasses and fossil watch. Toting some gay ass diaper bag that the wife picked out. Don’t forget the double chi latté’ from Starbucks, and the newest cell phone on the market.

What would we talk about? I don’t want to talk about how to raise my kid, or new articles on getting your kid to clean up after they are done playing. I don’t want to pretend to be the best dad and back it up by being up on all the new child rearing techniques. I just want to let my kiddo play with some other kids, and hang out with grownups and have fun!

So maybe I should start my own group. Comprised of men and women my age who just want to have some fun while the kids play. I’ll have to work on that idea some more. Maybe we’ll have it in the afternoons, and we could have a Happy Hour! Drinks and horderves laced with lots of embellished stories and laughter. That’s my type of playgroup! Hump Day Happy Hour Play Group! Who wants to join – who is ready for a Drink?