Random Thursday - Mike Zwally

On Thursdays I will select a random Status update from Facebook...

Mike Zwally three words BUD LIGHT LIME PLEASE!!! ok thats 4 but u get the picture:)

Mr. Milf Survival Bag – Top 5 Essential Items

edit: I received several request to add prices for the listed items

My male audience has requested that I do at least one day that deals with Dude stuff. Done! Lets dedicate Wednesdays strictly to the Men…altho’ you women might want to stay tuned – I am sure that over time Wednesdays could prove to be entertaining to say the least.

Ok so I will kick it off by compiling a survival bag for the stay at home dad. These below items are the basic essentials, and I would not leave home with out them.

1. The “BAG” probably one of the most important items, since you don’t want to come across looking like a douche’ with a man purse. My choice “The Diaper Dude – Camo”. Not only is it well designed but has some nice features that guys can appreciate. Ipod holder, Cell holder, two can beer cooler, lots of useable compartments, and of course an area for your kiddos junk too. You sling it like a messenger bag, and it is made out of tough ripstop nylon, so you can drag this bag down the street with out it breaking.

$47.99-$97.99

2. The flask…should you go anywhere with out your trusted flask filled with highly potent spirits? All of us men know the answer to that. It is essential when being dragged along for an epic shopping adventure. Instead of finding the closest BAR – while waiting on your wife to look at every item in every store, you can just find a bench, take some nips from your trusty flask, and play one of man’s favorite Mall games…

Note: when selecting a flask, opt for at least the 6 oz. model – that extra swig will come in handy when your wife darts into one more store on the way out of the mall.

Snow Peak flask Titanium $94.99-$159.99

3. A binky Karabiner …clip it to your bag and never lose a pacifier again. Biner could also be used in some type of survival situation if needed. Note: Make sure to grab a real Karabiner from your climbing gear, unless you want to look like a poser.

Omega "Jake Quick Lock" $19.99

4. Knife! This should be a weapon, not a finger nail cleaner. You need something tactical that will do some real damage if anyone ever poses a threat to your family. I would recommend the following brands to look into: Benchmade, Spyderco, and SOG. My personal choice is the CRKT Hissatsu folder. This switchblade allows you to deploy it one handed while still holding your baby, and cut someones forearm clean off…really!

Columbia River Knife & Tool (CRKT) Hissatsu assisted Folder $99.99

5. A medium stick ball point pen. Don’t leave home with out it. You are always having to fill something out, sign something, or need it for your crossword puzzles. I like papermate pens for several reasons. My mother in-law buys the refills in bulk, they flow really nicely, and they don’t break easily.

$7.99

Needless to say there other items that I did not list, just because they are obvious (e.g. ipod, blackberry, handcuffs). Hope You enjoyed todays topic...next wednesdays topic is open to suggestions from the male audience...until then...keep your head up, your beer tilted, and those fucking "fire safety cigarettes burning". peace

Technical Tuesday – The Dishwasher

I have decided to dedicate Tuesdays to explore the technical side of managing a household (appliances, gadgets, etc.). Today I going to talk about one of those appliances that I cannot live without.

You might have heard it referred to as every imaginable explicative uttered in the history of mankind, but I like to call it “The all mighty Dishwasher”. It is one of those magical appliances that when used properly can bring you immense joy, or as in most cases, cause you terrible grief, agony, and at times even great physical injury. -My mother as suffered several broken toes over the years due to her trying to karate kick the dishwasher into submission. Her career record 0-3!

The Dishwasher is a simple appliance and if you follow some basic rules, it will bring a smile to your face every time you use it.

1. Don’t be a dipshit and forget to put in the detergent!

2. Don’t rinse your dishes before you load the machine. Dishwashers are designed to use food debris to help clean the dishes.

3. Realize that there are some things your dishwasher will never be able to clean. One of them is Avocado! Any avocado residue that has sat long enough to get dry, will not get clean in the wash.

4. Don’t worry about overloading it! Just make sure that the spray arms move freely. Most times when your dishes are still dirty after a wash it is because something small moved and slipped thru the rack and interfered with the spray arms, or you stuck something too long in the bottom rack and it stopped the upper spray arm from spinning.

5. Make sure you don’t ruin your knives…place them blade side up cross ways on the upper rack…

6. Maintain your Dishwasher! Frequently clean out your pump cover strainer. This sounds complicated, but only takes about 30 seconds!

7. And the most important rule of them all…well, don’t lecture your wife on how to load the dishwasher…it is futile! It ranks right up there with trying to explain to her why NOT to keep adjusting the thermostat up and down.

I will be happy to answer any additional questions! so enjoy your dishwasher and tell it how much you appreciate it. I wish you technical harmony…until next week!

My daughter is a PC!

So my daughter piper is a year and some change old…or 15 months in mommy language. I think she is the most adorable little creature there is in the entire universe, but she harbors a fatal flaw at the moment. She is a PC! And I have to be honest, I am totally ready to upgrade her to being a MAC. I always hear people saying “Ohhhhhh, enjoy the precious age she is at now, you are going to wish you could turn back time”. But I don’t care! I owned a PC for the majority of my life, and I kept putting off getting a MAC. I am not sure how much time I have wasted waiting on the damn Operating system to finally process my request or to un-freeeze. My most used buttons over the history of my PC use must have been CTRL-ALT-DEL. They always work great out of the box, but once you use it and go online, the count down to total failure and frustration begins. My biggest gripe with PC’s is the long pause while it tries to process, and then the anticipation to see if it actually processes your request properly…Kinda like my daughter.

Just this morning her operating system must have struck a critical failure point and been close to crashing. It was as tho’ she was low on virtual memory and was frozen in time until her little PC brain could process my request…ok, so it was a command not a request.

So, my jedi powers run strong and I sensed an unbalance in the force. As I walk around the corner into the kitchen, I see piper with her arm deep inside the trash can. I instinctively lower the bass in my voice, raise the volume just to the point where it starts to resonate with out becoming a yell, and say “NOOOOOOOO, Piper – NOOOOOOOO”. She looks at me wide eyed with her arm still swallowed by the trash can. She is frozen…I can see her trying to process….process…..still processing. I scowl at her in hopes of snapping her out of it…but she is still processing. Then I see some activity and she snaps out of it. She pulls her arm out of the can, and for a second I think “YESSSSSSS”, BUT then she purses her little lips together and wildly starts waving her finger at me. She raises her voice and says “Nooooooooo-Noooooooo” , follwed by plunging both arms into the trash can before the lid can close. Argggggg.

It is definitely time for an upgrade! I will take a MAC over a PC any day, and I promise you that I will never regret it. Hmmmm….do toddlers have a CTRL-ALT-DEL function?

Finding order in a state of chaos

With everyones daily lives having become more complicated and faster paced, we find our selves in a state of Chaos. We can either simply exist in this natural state of peril, or we can flourish. I chose to accept it for what it is...use it to my advantage. Since I am an American Jedi, I also have the power to step out of said Realm and find the calm and order needed to focus on the most important things in life - enjoying every second I have with my wife and daughter, family, and friends....(and facebook, comic books, movies)

So how do I do it....Well, my chaos starts when my wife and daughter wake up in the morning, and last until they are safely snoozing in bed at the end of a long day. i like to operate before the insanity begins. Here are some things you can do that will make your day easier...Go to bed an hour later than everyone else and plan your day...

1. Figure out what is for dinner the next day

2. Pick up the house...get that dishwasher going...vacume...etc

3. Get the coffee machine ready and set for the next morning

Get up an hour earlier than everyone else

1. Get all the kiddos meals ready for the day

2. Get the close ready

3. Empty that dishwasher and have it ready to be loaded thru' out the day

4. Take your shower and mentally prepare yourself for the day. If you are upset at your wife for something, then this is a good time to leave her no hot water to shower with.

Find out what is hardest for you to get done thru' out the day and do it when no one is bothering you...we all know what it is like when your snot nose toddler is trying to help you with your chores by unloading the dishwasher while you are trying to load it, or one of my favorites - knocking over the stack of shirts you just folded, and then pretending that she is actually going to re-fold them. So, you get the point.

Ok, quick easy meal for the day that any idiot can make, and your family will love...tell them compliments of mr. milf

SAUTEED CHICKEN IN MUSTARD CREAM SAUCE, RICE PILAF, GREEN BEANS TOTAL TIME FROM PREP TO TABLE 30 MIN.

6 Chicken Cutlets (chicken breast)

3 TBLS Virgin Olive Oil

1/4 Dry white wine OR Chicken broth

1/2 Heavy Cream

2 TBLS Dijon Mustard

1 Tsp dried Terragon

coarse salt and pepper

This is so easy guys....

Get your Rice Pilaf started

season cutlets (i like to poke holes in backside first), add olive oil to heavy skillet (med-to high heat depending on your skillet....i use heavy cast iron le'cruset and only keep it on med cause it holds the heat like a bad mutha' shut your mouth) Sautee' unti cooked (about 6 min each side) transfer to plate and keep warm in oven.

using same skillet, poor wine or broth in and reduce to about half (1 min). Whisk in cream, mustard, and tarragon. Cook, whisking, until thickend (about 2 min). Pour any accumulated chicken juices off of plate into the sauce.

Serve with your pilaf, and green beans, drizzle chicken with sauce right before serving.

For dessert serve plain yogurt and add honey or sugar to sweeten the taste.

if this is too complicated for you, or takes more than 30 minutes, then you might be WE TODD DID.

Getting Started

Ok, so lets see if i can figure out how to set this blog up...I have about 10 minutes to get this thing rolling before my daughter and wife find something for me to pick up after them.